Jul. 22nd, 2014

marlowe1: (high school reunion)
Every so often Facebook presents a link so dumb that I have to post it here. And that link will be - Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do.

Of course, I could just post this -
- in response. But still, the whole point of the article is to tell people what mentally strong people are like without actually being practical in how to BE mentally strong.

Oh sure, it's great if you -
1. Don't feel sorry for yourself
2. Refrain from "giving away your power" (meaning not making other people responsible for your happiness)
3. Embrace change
4. Stop worrying about things you can't control
5. Accept that you can't please everyone
6. don't fear "calculated" risks
7. avoid dwelling on the past (like the item #1 which is almost the same thing)
8. Avoid making the same mistakes (also way too related to #1 not to think that the author is just trying to fill up a list)
9. Are happy for the success of others unreservedly (even people like Stephanie Meyers and Dan Brown who do not deserve it)
10. keep going after the first failure (unless it's something that you should just stop doing - and not just bad art but also, wouldn't things have been much better if Hitler would have stopped after failing to take over Germany the first time - I was going for Ted Bundy)
11. are ok with alone time (although that is called introversion)
12. Don't feel like the world owes you anything
13. Don't expect immediate results (and don't notice that this is a re-phrased version of #10 - complete with the same possibility of attributing it to Hitler taking over Germany and Sylvia Plath killing herself)

These are mostly nice statements of what it means to be mentally healthy (or strong) with some serious bullshit in there. There are plenty of artists who just keep going after the initial failure who are so far removed from "mentally strong" that they practically put that one into the mentally weak category. Forget about Hitler and Sylvia Plath for a moment. Can you honestly say that Hemingway and Fitzgerald were "mentally strong" for not giving up on their writing (or their drinking)?

And even when these things are mostly positive - like embracing change and not worrying about what you can't control - they are not always possible. If you apply it to a fuzzy self-help business speak situation where the major issue is a promotion or a new information system, well then awesome! Go you! But apply it to breaking up with your girlfriend of four years only to realize that all of your self-worth was posited on being in a fairly healthy (and even boring) relationship and actually being worth something to someone - or putting your mom in assisted living - or trying desperately to pay the rent on your Washington Heights apartment, knowing that you are not going to find a place bigger than a shitty studio if you get kicked out since you have 4 cats - and then say how much I should embrace change and not worry.

And of course, I have already accepted that I can't please everyone. Only I didn't get that from a fucking self-help article. I got that from my formative years when I was both 1. the weird kid who ate his crayons and 2. being raised by a mother who was bi-polar. When Mom was going through her depressive states, I would be very much on eggshells, hoping that she would get happy. And when mom was in her manic states, I would hear way too much about her life than I would ever want to know. But by high school, I was angry with everyone (who isn't?) and by the last year of high school, I had found enough friends who appreciated my weirdness to be fine with not pleasing everyone.

The flip side is that I have some serious fucking problems with not being a total asshole. More to the point, I know I can't please everyone. Hell, I am an Orthodox Jewish liberal with Zionist leanings that make me criticize Israel up until there is a war and then I end up reading the "Israel kills babies" articles that send me into a jingoistic tailspin (I do not agree with my positive review of Meir Kahane's books but I do not take it down because I find it fascinating that I was once that wound up). Hell, fuck that. I believe that intervention is sometimes not only warranted but the only option. Of course, it's too late to do anything about Syria. But I have to go an point out that ISIS is just as much the fault of the "doves" that were perfectly fine with Syrians killing Syrians as it was the fault of the hawks who pushed for an invasion of Iraq without a viable plan in regards to how to rebuild the place beyond a vague "well the Kurds seem like they are doing ok in their dangerous and limited independent" (go Kurds!)

But the thing is, it's very easy for "you can't please everyone" to easily transform into "fuck everyone else. I'm right about everything."

And of course, that's one of the underlying assumptions of this kind of article is an Ayn Rand "I got mine and you go fuck yourself" belief (I hear that Goldstein likes to post these things - which isn't surprising since that little psycho loves to be the wounded party - I bet the fucker is still claiming that I turned a bathroom light off when he was in the bathroom as the reason for why he hates my guts - which I never did - as opposed to what I did do which was to express happiness that Obama won in 2008 - which is the exact moment when he unfriended me on Facebook and started glaring at me whenever I said hello to him in public). Signs of "mental strength" do not include compassion, an ability to talk about your problems, admission that you are not in a good place or compassion for others who are going through the same things that you have gone through.

No, instead you are supposed to read this article and then pretend to be "mentally strong" and that's it. No assembly required. So you read the article, decide not to dwell on old things and then your friend is broken up about a dead cat or a cheating girlfriend and what are you going to do? Well, you can give your friend this article and tell them to read it many times in order to let them know that they are NOT mentally strong. At which point, hopefully, your friend will go "no shit, I'm not mentally strong right now, that's why I'm trying to get some fucking empathy or even sympathy or just some emotional support" and stop talking to you. And then you can prove just how little you care about being alone.

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Tim Lieder

December 2023

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