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Saw Eternal Sunshine Again
Jun. 17th, 2004 06:52 amYes, my life has hit the dull patch where I watch movies and work. I did rent out Elephant and damn that's a scary movie. Probably because it doesn't intend to be a scary movie but just a movie about Columbine. Only Van Sant goes just slow enough that you get to know everyone before the killers enter. And then when the killers do enter it's just a slaughter house. And then you're confronted with the awful truth of what would happen to you if someone had a gun and intended to kill you. You'd like to think that you'd be a big hero or something but really there's not a whole lot you can do when someone just decides to shoot you.
DId I mention that I had a 7th grade Science teacher that told me I reminded him of those people that go on Subways with guns and start shooting. What the fuck? I was a bit shy and high strung but that shit followed me. I suppose my habit of talking/singing to myself didn't help matters much in the rest of schooling.
CONvergence is coming. YOu know I intellectually know that I was so damn drunk the last time that I probably alienated some people but I was too drunk to care. I suppose I shouldn't drink so much this time. Usually there's one large excuse to get really wasted in the year. That kind of "can't even remember my name" sort of drunk. That was fun. But I've been reminded that I was attempted to flirt with that ever charming "hiiiiiiii....." and a lot of other disjointed vowels.
ANyhow saw Eternal Sunshine again and it's better the second time. I really like the scene where Jim Carrey can't say a damn word but he wants to say everything. Very rarely do you see writers writing silences into the script. THere's also that factor of falling in love with Kate Winslet just for the movie. Audrey Hepburn had the same power. I know that none of my ex-girlfriends - at least the ones that I remember, the ones that made an impact - were like her. But it does make me think about them. It's weird that sometimes I see Melinda as a psycho. And other times I remember that she actually supported my weirdness in many ways. I remember this because after all the heart break about Nanda is over I remember Nanda less as a stabilizing personality and more as the kind of snob that wore me down constantly until I had almost no self-confidence whatsoever. Of course when I broke up with Nanda it was all "what am I going to do now?" but at the time I thought it was because I wouldn't find anyone better but now I think it's because there was this great "what am I doing with this idiot" attitude that Nanda gave off CONSTANTLY. And it'd be fine if we were just mismatched but Nanda is attracted to these strange non-conformists not entirely concerned with stable jobs and the like and then tries to turn them into the boring stable types. ONly to get bored with them. I suppose it was reading Melinda's old letters where she was saying how much she loved how I got all excited at things and would start talking very fast about whatever I found exciting. It was a personality aspect that Nanda despised.
Of course I was probably just as shitty a boyfriend.
Now if only the memories could get together in a nice consistancy and I can forget the good times or the bad so I can either be maudlin or bitter. I suppose that won't work either.
One of the better lines I remember from working at the Metrodome was "I'm in love with a bitch I can't stand," which kind of sums up matters. Although a little more bitter than I can muster. Then they started talking about a guy that took his wife's decapitated head to the bar with him. And ordered drinks for the head. This was the same place I heard that brilliant question "if a woman puts a restraining order on you, why does she still expect child support?" Although I probably shouldn't quote that since the last time I put that quote up someone that couldn't stand me put it up on her journal as evidence of what an asshole I am. As if I were the child-support withholding restraining ordered guy (who seemed like such a nice guy before he said that)
And then if we keep going with this whole memory thing, I have those moments where I remember every single stupid ugly thing I have ever done. I tend to remember them most of all. I suppose it's payback for all the times I thought I was absolutely right about everything.
Apparently the main reason why anti-depressants cause suicide is because depressives are too damn depressed to kill themselves.
There's your happy thought for the day.
DId I mention that I had a 7th grade Science teacher that told me I reminded him of those people that go on Subways with guns and start shooting. What the fuck? I was a bit shy and high strung but that shit followed me. I suppose my habit of talking/singing to myself didn't help matters much in the rest of schooling.
CONvergence is coming. YOu know I intellectually know that I was so damn drunk the last time that I probably alienated some people but I was too drunk to care. I suppose I shouldn't drink so much this time. Usually there's one large excuse to get really wasted in the year. That kind of "can't even remember my name" sort of drunk. That was fun. But I've been reminded that I was attempted to flirt with that ever charming "hiiiiiiii....." and a lot of other disjointed vowels.
ANyhow saw Eternal Sunshine again and it's better the second time. I really like the scene where Jim Carrey can't say a damn word but he wants to say everything. Very rarely do you see writers writing silences into the script. THere's also that factor of falling in love with Kate Winslet just for the movie. Audrey Hepburn had the same power. I know that none of my ex-girlfriends - at least the ones that I remember, the ones that made an impact - were like her. But it does make me think about them. It's weird that sometimes I see Melinda as a psycho. And other times I remember that she actually supported my weirdness in many ways. I remember this because after all the heart break about Nanda is over I remember Nanda less as a stabilizing personality and more as the kind of snob that wore me down constantly until I had almost no self-confidence whatsoever. Of course when I broke up with Nanda it was all "what am I going to do now?" but at the time I thought it was because I wouldn't find anyone better but now I think it's because there was this great "what am I doing with this idiot" attitude that Nanda gave off CONSTANTLY. And it'd be fine if we were just mismatched but Nanda is attracted to these strange non-conformists not entirely concerned with stable jobs and the like and then tries to turn them into the boring stable types. ONly to get bored with them. I suppose it was reading Melinda's old letters where she was saying how much she loved how I got all excited at things and would start talking very fast about whatever I found exciting. It was a personality aspect that Nanda despised.
Of course I was probably just as shitty a boyfriend.
Now if only the memories could get together in a nice consistancy and I can forget the good times or the bad so I can either be maudlin or bitter. I suppose that won't work either.
One of the better lines I remember from working at the Metrodome was "I'm in love with a bitch I can't stand," which kind of sums up matters. Although a little more bitter than I can muster. Then they started talking about a guy that took his wife's decapitated head to the bar with him. And ordered drinks for the head. This was the same place I heard that brilliant question "if a woman puts a restraining order on you, why does she still expect child support?" Although I probably shouldn't quote that since the last time I put that quote up someone that couldn't stand me put it up on her journal as evidence of what an asshole I am. As if I were the child-support withholding restraining ordered guy (who seemed like such a nice guy before he said that)
And then if we keep going with this whole memory thing, I have those moments where I remember every single stupid ugly thing I have ever done. I tend to remember them most of all. I suppose it's payback for all the times I thought I was absolutely right about everything.
Apparently the main reason why anti-depressants cause suicide is because depressives are too damn depressed to kill themselves.
There's your happy thought for the day.
