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So I looked at my Google search and you can see the results in the last two entries. I was mostly sarcastic on FB when I mentioned that I googled myself and saw at least three entries devoted to hating my guts and that I should be nicer.
Unfortunately, friends told me that it was totally cool and that I shouldn't change.
Which is nice, but wrong.
That's not to say that I much care for the people that are hating on me. I try to be sympathetic. I might not like them, but I need to acknowledge that they are coming from a place of fear, anxiety, anger and all those negative emotions that I'm not immune to.
But more importantly, I don't like it when I'm acting like the sarcastic asshole. I don't want to be Harlan Ellison - constantly fighting with people and putting all of my creative energy into insults. I read old blog entries and instead of being happy with seeing what I wrote or remembering the nostalgia, I am calling people names or engaging in personal attacks. There's a writer that I don't personally like and while I might admire some of her stances, I find her way of engaging in a place of moral superiority with a quick dismissal of any disagreement to be rather repulsive. But that isn't why I talked shit about her. I talked shit about her because she blocked me when I defended Dan Savage, who was the bad guy of the social justice movement for a few years. He called upon bisexuals to come out of the closet if they didn't want to be marginalized by both the gay movement or the heteronormative society. He has not always been as enlightened on transgender issues as the tumblr brigade would want. I argued this, she said that he hurt people's feelings and blocked me. So I took umbrage at it.
But I didn't actually just say that my issue with her was personal (my feelings were hurt) and part of a larger pattern (I tend to be the kind of person who thinks that he's right about everything to the point of shutting down others - and I hate seeing that behavior reflected) I went after the fact that she was friends and with a fairly nasty and loathsome human being until horrible human being was exposed for a predator.
I can't behave like that. I do behave like that, but I shouldn't behave like that. I don't do myself any favors. I don't like myself when I act like that. I definitely don't like the way other people behave like that. I shouldn't hold grudges.
I also should get this damn paper done.
Unfortunately, friends told me that it was totally cool and that I shouldn't change.
Which is nice, but wrong.
That's not to say that I much care for the people that are hating on me. I try to be sympathetic. I might not like them, but I need to acknowledge that they are coming from a place of fear, anxiety, anger and all those negative emotions that I'm not immune to.
But more importantly, I don't like it when I'm acting like the sarcastic asshole. I don't want to be Harlan Ellison - constantly fighting with people and putting all of my creative energy into insults. I read old blog entries and instead of being happy with seeing what I wrote or remembering the nostalgia, I am calling people names or engaging in personal attacks. There's a writer that I don't personally like and while I might admire some of her stances, I find her way of engaging in a place of moral superiority with a quick dismissal of any disagreement to be rather repulsive. But that isn't why I talked shit about her. I talked shit about her because she blocked me when I defended Dan Savage, who was the bad guy of the social justice movement for a few years. He called upon bisexuals to come out of the closet if they didn't want to be marginalized by both the gay movement or the heteronormative society. He has not always been as enlightened on transgender issues as the tumblr brigade would want. I argued this, she said that he hurt people's feelings and blocked me. So I took umbrage at it.
But I didn't actually just say that my issue with her was personal (my feelings were hurt) and part of a larger pattern (I tend to be the kind of person who thinks that he's right about everything to the point of shutting down others - and I hate seeing that behavior reflected) I went after the fact that she was friends and with a fairly nasty and loathsome human being until horrible human being was exposed for a predator.
I can't behave like that. I do behave like that, but I shouldn't behave like that. I don't do myself any favors. I don't like myself when I act like that. I definitely don't like the way other people behave like that. I shouldn't hold grudges.
I also should get this damn paper done.
