marlowe1 | Month in review - still trying to get Mom into assisted living

So I did go out to Minnesota. Took a Greyhound to Chicago and a Megabus to Saint Paul. Then I took a Megabus back on the same route, because Greyhound is awful. When I got into Chicago, I thought I would have to wait 12 hours for a really expensive bus out. Instead I waited six hours on a Chicago street where a homeless guy gave me a bottle of conditioner and told me stories about getting beat up by crackheads and another guy was leaving Minnesota to get away from the funeral of his girlfriend who died while they were arguing. Apparently she had a stroke just as they were getting to a reflective part of the fight and he was interpreting her grunting and then her silence as stubbornness as if she was just sick of him. And then he realized she was dead.

So with that in mind, I went back to my mom's apartment and got screamed at for 48 hours. When I was throwing stuff out she was telling me that she needed to look at it first. When I was taking a break (very rarely), she was screaming about not getting the apartment done in time. Apparently she had made some progress in transitional care but she was getting weaker and less healthy in the apartment (where she also wasn't eating much while being very emotional). The estate sales people came and took some cool stuff that I forgot that I once owned - like the Pigs in Space Lunch Box and the Mad Magazine board game.

In the end, I had thrown out all the carpets, cleared a path through the apartment and left Mom who was crying and begging me to stay one more day. This shit is not easy. I did not want to stay longer, not just because I couldn't trust the bus to get me back to New York before Shabbos (Megabus has one bus that leaves Chicago at midnight and gets to New york by 6pm the next day - IF it is on time - but you have to leave MN by noon to get to it), but also because I felt like I was screwing up her health by being there. Because everything I did was upsetting to her and by the end she was on one of her "I'm just going to die soon anyhow." deals. Yeah, growing up with a bipolar mother, you get used to the occasional declarations of imminent demise - granted Mom is not young and not in good health. She is 77 and she's having trouble walking.

When I went to sleep at 2 in the morning, I was woken by Mom screaming "Tim. Just go! Just go! Abandon me!" over and over again. So that was 2 hours of sleep.

The landlord also asked me to stay, but since that fucker got 40 hours of free labor out of me, I was less inclined to care about his request. Beyond that, he claims that he is going to charge me for all the stuff that I hauled to the trash at his request. If I get an invoice for that, I am sending him the invoice for the work.

And as it stood, the fire inspector did not pass the apartment. But more because of the mold and the dust than the stuff. Mom still has stuff piled up in her bedroom - especially in two corners, but the hoarding is no longer a fire hazard. There are paths through the apartment. Mostly, I am going by the fact that the apartment looks better than any apartment she has lived in since I was maybe 10.

The landlord asked her to move out (but he did not serve papers so he really can't legally throw her out) and the fire inspection condemnation still stands.

So now it's a case of getting Mom into assisted living again. But at this point, BOTH cats have to go with her. Unfortunately Mom's case worker Sheryl is talking about Mom not being able to take care of the cats and included a line "as you know, the cats weren't being taken care of and were using the carpet as a litter box" which seems to get into every later report. There was a black spot on the carpet from a rusted out bottom of a hassock (it would have been cool once - it opened up and you could store stuff in it) and the inspector thought it was cat urine. Which is wasn't. But more importantly, there was ONE cat that was pooping all over the place and that was Mokie who was 20 years old at the time and dying (because he was 20 years old at the time - sweet cat towards the end). Wiggles and Sugar both use the litter box and Mom cleans it out on a regular basis.

And now Mom is still going to the apartment to get stuff out of there. I don't know if she is trying to pass that fire inspection or what. I guess it gives her something to do. I just want to make sure that she keeps the cats.

Also, my friend Sarah came over and helped. I am truly grateful to her. Also she came over after I left which she didn't have to do.

Should probably see if someone can temporarily adopt the cats until Mom gets situated. Of course, the landlord can't legally throw her out by September 30, but then again, she is technically not supposed to be in the apartment regardless due to the fire inspector's condemned sign.

It's just tough.

May your hard experiences make you more empathic than bitter and may your easy experiences make you more grateful than entitled.